So there appears to be a mini-kerfuffle developing over the pointless and vapid BBC coverage of the Jubilee, much of which appears to be directed at presenter Fearne Cotton, whose Battersea park chatter has apparently generated a large number of complaints from viewers. Cotton has replied to rude people on Twitter telling them she won’t be “bullied” by them, the big meanies.

Now, let’s stipulate a few facts.

1) The Jubilee coverage WAS stupid and vacuous. Across the board. How many times were we assured that the collective spirits of the crowds “were not dampened”? I don’t think I can count that high.

2) Complaining about stupid and vacuous coverage is not equal to bullying. It’s not very nice. But it’s not bullying. Bullying is the powerful attacking the weak out of malice. Punters attacking TV presenters is just good old fashioned whinging, a fine and honourable British Tradition that predates even Her Majesty.

However.

If you don’t like stupid and vacuous coverage, I would suggest to the whingers that it makes no sense to take it out on the presenter who has, in a funny sort of way, done a perfectly competent job of delivering the stupid and vacuous coverage that her bosses apparently desired. She was chirpy. She was chipper. She kept smiling through 4 hours of non stop rain and a lot of soggy cake. She did her job, and she did it just fine!

Your objection, dear whingers, is not to Fearne Cotton’s competent vacantness, but to the decision of the BBC programmers to pack the whole day full of cotton candy nothingness.

Leave the poor girl alone and go find a balding man in a suit to complain to.  

We all want to be nice. Well, I do anyway.

But sometimes, fiery rage is the compassionate response to a situation.

Being polite when powerful people in big boots kick the faces of our friends (metaphorically speaking)? This is not a virtue.

Nice is different than good.

I can recite all of the Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock from memory. While drunk. I taught myself to do it years ago.

I don’t feel like this accomplishment gets the credit it deserves. It wasn’t EASY, you know. But people just stare.

Like switching to Mac after a lifetime as a PC user. Was Twitter ever this foreign to me? Was Facebook? Yep. I remember now. They were.

“There’s no point getting jealous when someone else gets married. Unless you wanted to marry the SPECIFIC PERSON they’re marrying, you’ve lost nothing. And if you did want to marry the specific person they’re marrying, there’s still no reason to get jealous since clearly they didn’t want to be with you so they would have been a rotten husband to you. Only if they DO want to be with you AND you want to be with them AND they’re marrying someone else anyway is there cause to get upset when someone else gets married, and in that case you or contractually obligated to burst into the wedding at the most dramatic moment, and in that case I’ll totally be jealous of YOU because you’ll be played by Kate Hudson in the movie.”